Simpsons Reference of the Day

(Scene: After eating lunch with friends at the GSB's cafeteria, I walk through an automatic door)

Me: Thank you, door!

Alex: (Does spit take as he nearly loses his Coke from laughing)

Reference: "Bart Sells His Soul", Season 7, Episode 4

Simpsons Reference of the Day

Me: I need something good to write for my note of support for Anne.
Grant: To the Steelworkers of America, keep reaching for that rainbow?

Reference: "Homer's Phobia", Season 8, Episode 15.

Simpsons Reference of the Day

(During a cook-out lunch at the law school)

AK: Is this American cheese?

ML: I think its cheddar, actually.

Me: Mmmmmmm... sixty-four slices of American cheese.


Reference: "Rosebud", Season 5, Episode 4.


(Note: I actually knew a kid in my fraternity who ate 64 slices of American cheese in a single sitting. A devil with the ladies, that one.)

There It Is, Tommy, the Cleverest Thing You'll Ever Say and No One Is Around to Hear It

A shot of sideline reporter Craig Sager during this evening's Spurs-Hornets game (Game 7 in the Western Conference Semifinals) led to this exchange:

Me: What the hell is Craig Sager wearing?
JD: (giggling at Sager's garish pinstripe suit and paisley tie)
Me: He looks like... like a guy from the 70s... who's trying to look like a guy from the 30s.
JD: Combining the best aspects of the disco and gangster eras?

I realize that making fun of Sager's outfits is like using a bazooka to blast a fish in a rain puddle, but seriously, you had to see this suit.

(And yes, the headline for this post gets the "Simpsons Reference of the Day" tag. Reference: "Two Bad Neighbors", Season 7, Episode 13)

Simpsons Reference of the Day

(after explaining the concept of BABIP [batting average on balls hit in play] to M)
M: What was it about my face that suggested to you guys that I wanted you to explain that to me?
Me: I like stories.

(Note: Exchange has been edited to reflect what my response should have been; actual response was something along the lines of "I like hearing myself talk.")

Reference: "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie", Season 4, Episode 6.

Simpsons Reference of the Day

(during a group meeting in an online chat room)

Me: Pleas forgivethe speling errors.Ther’s something wrong w/my keybord (there actually was something wrong with my keyboard at the time that caused it to not register some of my keystrokes).
NSC: Sure, Tommy, we all know you’re drinking scotch.
Me: Mmmmm, scotch.
MJM: Brownest of the brown liquors.

Reference: “Marge in Chains”, Season 4, Episode 21.

Simpsons Reference of the Day

(During a conversation on Campaign 2008)

HEH: Did you see that Fox News thought that the Lincoln-Douglas debates were between Abraham Lincoln a Frederick Douglass? (laughter) What did they debate? ‘I think slavery is bad.’ ‘I agree!’
Me: Maybe they debated lunch. ‘Your chicken noodle soup plan goes too far!’ ‘I say your sandwich plan doesn’t go far enough!’
HEH: What’s the Simpsons episode about that? The one where Kang and Kodos run for president?
Me (quoting): Abortions for all! Boooooo! Very well, abortions for none! Boooooo! Hmmm. Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others! Yaaaaaaaayyyyyy!”

Reference: Treehouse of Horror VII, “Citizen Kang”, Season 8, Episode 1.

Bonus Simpsons Reference of the Day

My uncle e-mailed me a picture of my seven-month old cousin sitting on their leather sofa. He accompanied the picture with the phrase "Like Montgomery Burns, your cousin has learned to enjoy a good sit."

Reference: “Mountain of Madness”, Season 8, Episode 12.

Recurring Features

Since I’ll be including a few recurring features here at Carcetti for Mayor, I thought I ought to include a post explaining what each one is.

Simpsons Reference of the Day:

Like many of my friends, I am obsessed with the Simpsons, especially the first 12 seasons or so. I can quote episodes from memory, I have used analogies from the show in papers, and I above all pepper my conversations with references to the show. Of course, many of my friends and relatives do the same. “Simpsons Reference of the Day” is simply a catalogue of those references, presented in the context in which they were used. These references will mostly be spoken by me, but I’ll include those spoken by others as well. Example:

(Scene: While preparing for a night on the town, I have just completed a shower and am walking to my bedroom, wearing only a towel, when I hear a knock at the door. Seeing that my roommates are otherwise occupied, I walk to the door and open it for my friend JBM. JBM stares at me incredulously.)

Me: I have misplaced my pants.

(Note: This actually happened. Ah, college.)

Reference: “Bart After Dark”, Season 8, Episode 5.

By the Numbers:

“By the Numbers” is a feature in which I detail arcane events in my life in minute detail. It’s similar to a feature on many other blogs and web sites. This gets published approximately “whenever I feel like it”.

Example:

Hours of Grand Theft Auto IV Played Yesterday: 9.

Amount I Would Have Made If I Had Worked a Minimum-Wage Job During That Time: $65.25.

Cost of Said Grand Theft Auto IV Game: $64.96 after taxes.

Difference Between These Two Figures: $0.29.

Ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper Consumed During Those Hours: 64.

And so on.

If They Played Basketball in Movies Not About Basketball:

This is a recurring feature that I will write solely as a time-waster and is something that is probably only interesting to me. It’s basically just an analysis of the main characters from a given movie based on how well they would play as a basketball team. I’ll look at the different characters, make up positions (and pertinent information about each character to make them fit as basketball players), and then analyze the strengths and weaknesses of the team. I’ll figure out about how many wins they could expect to get in the current NBA season, and then finally compare them to the gold standard of basketball teams: the 2004-05 University of Illinois Fighting Illini Men’s Basketball Team (note: blatant homerism alert). See my post (linked below) on “Ghostbusters” for an example.

New York Times Editorials:

My absolute favorite post I wrote for my old blog was one where I ripped apart a New York Times editorial on the Samuel Alito Supreme Court nomination firejoemorgan.com-style. (If you haven’t visited firejoemorgan.com by now, you really should). Basically, all I do here is go through the editorial line by line and either refute what they’ve written, make fun of them, or both. Why the Grey Lady? Politically I’m closer to the Wall Street Journal than to the New York Times, plus NYT seems to have a more arrogant style, at least to me. I’ll post a link to an example once I do one.

Simpsons Reference of the Day

Today's reference:

Conversation with my friend L:

L: (Our friend D) was upset that my hair was straight yesterday, so she's a little excited that it's back to curly today.
Me: Curly... straight! Curly... straight! Curly... straight!

Reference: "Homer Goes to College", Season 5, Episode 3.