I spent most of today filling out benefit forms for the job I will start in the fall. In between the midst of 401Ks, health plans, life insurance plans, vision plans, dental plans, health savings accounts, employee information forms, and equipment election forms, I had a bit of an epiphany.
I am twenty-five years old.
My parents married in the late 1970s when they were both 22 years old. By this point in their lives, my parents had been married for two and a half years and Dad was in the middle of his first year of medical school. I was still two years away, but I know they were already trying to start a family. My grandparents' generation was even more so: Dad's parents married right after Grandpa graduated from college (and they punched out my Dad nine months later) - by this point, my Dad is 2 years old and my grandparents are pondering my uncle. Mom's parents are roughly the same way, except that my Mom is 2 and my oldest aunt is either on the way or already here.
Meanwhile, I have graduated from one of the best public universities in the United States and I am about to graduate from a top ten law school. I have spoken freely with senators, worked on legal problems at the highest level, been elected to the highest office a student can hold at my college, and had a beer with the former CEO of the Sara Lee Corporation. Yet I also note that I spend much of my free time playing video games and I, at times, still feel like the frat guy who was all excited about Station's dollar bottle special on Thursday nights.
Am I near where my parents and grandparents were at this point in their lives? Maybe. I've accomplished more educationally at this point than anybody except my Dad (and possibly more than him), and accomplished more professionally (even at this early date) except for my Dad and maybe my Grandpa on my Dad's side (my grandparents on Dad's side are small business owners; my Mom's dad is a retired factory worker; Mom's mom worked a variety of jobs over the years culminating in a stint as... well, I'm not clear what she did, but she worked for a small business for many years in their hometown. I am going to a prestigious Chicago law firm in the fall where I will no doubt do my best to assist large corporations with their legal problems). Have I accomplished as much personally? Debatable. I've had the opportunities to get married (twice, in fact) and am currently single by choice. I certainly do not have children, and it is uncertain whether I ever well. Perhaps I am far too picky for my own good.
Despite the fact that I am about to embark on a career where a simple mistake may cost a company millions of dollars, I cannot shake the feeling that I am still far too immature for my own good. Witness, for example, my differing reactions when asked about a legal problem versus a sports problem. If you ask me about a potential baseball trade, or the results of the Chicago Bulls' latest season, then I am likely to have an opinion and will make several points supporting my analysis (the same holds for any kind of political question). Ask me an important legal question, though, or try to engage me in Socratic method in class, and I enter what humorist P.J. O'Rourke termed the "MEGO" phase: "My Eyes Glaze Over". And yet, what career have I chosen?
I have to keep reminding myself of two things: First, I am not living in the same time period that my father and grandfather entered the "real world" in. Being single/unmarried/without kids but being highly educated at my age is much more common/acceptable today than it was in 1980 and 1955.* Second, although I've never had this discussion with any of them, it is all too likely that my Dad and both of my Grandpas had these exact same thoughts. All of them likely had the same doubts, fears, ambitions and dreams that I have right now. And all of them got past it - or, at least, got past it enough to serve as inspirations, guides, and guardians for the future... for me.
Yet I cannot shake the feeling that I am nowhere near where my parents and my grandparents were at this point in their lives. Intellectually, I know that I have achieved more than they ever could have hoped for, and that they are proud of me for doing so. Emotionally... I remain unconvinced.
*"This is the wrong 1955!" (You get a Tommy Point if you tell me what movie that quote is from.)
1 comment:
That is a lovely, thoughtful post.
I think the biggest difference in things now and a generation or two ago is that there is very little you have to do, or are supposed to do, at or by a certain time. Just as you are different in not having kids by now, I'm different in having kids before my career has started (and in still planning to have one). Previously women who wanted both waited until they made partner and knew firms wouldn't sideline them. Men wanting to make partner often needed to be married as well, to show they were stable providers and had a wife to help entertain clients. Now you can get married in your 30's or your 20's and you can embark on an incredible career before or after that step.
I think this ability to choose the order of your life shows great progress.
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