Simpsons Reference of the Day

Me: I need something good to write for my note of support for Anne.
Grant: To the Steelworkers of America, keep reaching for that rainbow?

Reference: "Homer's Phobia", Season 8, Episode 15.

Simpsons Reference of the Day

(During a cook-out lunch at the law school)

AK: Is this American cheese?

ML: I think its cheddar, actually.

Me: Mmmmmmm... sixty-four slices of American cheese.


Reference: "Rosebud", Season 5, Episode 4.


(Note: I actually knew a kid in my fraternity who ate 64 slices of American cheese in a single sitting. A devil with the ladies, that one.)

VP Thoughts: Republicans

The blogosphere has been abuzz of late with the news that both Barack Obama and John McCain are beginning the lengthy process of picking vice-presidential candidates. Both Obama and McCain are playing their cards close to the chest and are allowing very little information about their respective processes to leak out, leading to some wild speculation about both shortlists. Bloggers, pundits and journalists are having a blast making their own lists, from the logical (Charlie Crist) to the unlikely (Kathleen Sebelius) to the clinically insane (Jim Webb).

So, with that in mind, I thought I would join the party and make my own short list for both sides, beginning with the Republicans today and the Democrats tomorrow.

Names I've Seen In No Particular Order: Gov. Charlie Crist (FL), Gov. Bobby Jindal (LA), former Gov. Mitt Romney (MA), former Gov. Mike Huckabee (AR), former Gov. Jeb Bush (FL), Gov. Mark Sanford (SC), Gov. Haley Barbour (MS), Gov. Tim Pawlenty (MN), Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), Sen. Norm Coleman (MN), Sen. Lindsay Graham (SC), Sen. Chuck Hagel (NE), Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (TX), Sen. John Thune (SD), former Rep. Rob Portman (OH), Sec. Condoleezza Rice (CA), Sec. Tom Ridge (PA), and Mayor Michael Bloomberg (I-NY).

That is quite a list of luminaries. A bit of a ruckus emerged this week when the New York Times reported that McCain would be meeting with three such possible candidates this weekend at his home in Arizona: Crist, Jindal and Romney. Time magazine later clarified that Lieberman and Graham will also be in attendance, while Pawlenty and Huckabee were both invited but could not attend due to other obligations (Pawlenty has a wedding, the Huckster will be on a cruise with his wife). I do not put much stock in the idea that McCain will be using this opportunity to size up VP candidates, since the gathering seems to be more of a thank-you get-together for high-profile supporters.

That said, the parameters for a possible McCain pick seem to be pretty clear: McCain needs somebody younger (although it's going to be hard to find anybody older than John McCain), somebody who's prepared to be president, somebody who can appeal to conservatives or at least shore up support among the right wing of the party (and if they're not, they had better be able to carry a crucial swing demographic group in the middle to make up for that), somebody who knows economic policy (since McCain openly admits he knows nothing of it) and preferably somebody who can carry a swing state.

With that in mind, the candidates who best meet those qualifications are Mark Sanford, Charlie Crist, Tim Pawlenty, and Rob Portman. Sanford is a darling of the fiscal wing of the Republican Party (read: I love him) who will definitely help shore up support in the South. Charlie Crist has only been in office for a couple of years; probably won't do anything to help carry the South beyond Florida (which McCain will win anyway); and there's a few, um, rumors about him that will probably prevent him from being chosen. Pawlenty has the same benefits as Sanford but can help carry Minnesota, a state that is otherwise turning blue. Portman is perfect for economic policy, youth, and general political acumen, but he carries with him the added baggage of being a Bush administration cabinet official. He's also not terribly well known nationwide, and probably will do nothing to help carry Ohio in the fall.

My best guess is that the pick will end up being Sanford or Pawlenty for the reasons I described above.

Why I Rejected Some Other Possible Candidates:

Bobby Jindal - I love Bobby Jindal. I've donated to three candidates for political office in my life, and Jindal was one of them (for his first gubernatorial campaign in 2003). He's incredibly bright and is a talented politician. The downside to Jindal is that he's young (only 36) and has been in office for less than a year at this point. Jindal is the future of the party, and will be on a national ticket at some point - just not this year (although Sanford-Jindal 2016 or Pawlenty-Jindal 2016 sounds pretty damn good to me).

Mitt Romney - Romney's best asset is his business acumen and general economic knowledge. McCain could easily use Romney as a kind of economic pinch-hitter, deferring all questions on economic and fiscal policy to Romney while focusing exclusively on foreign policy and national defense. Unfortunately, Romney is still not trusted by the right wing (due to his flip-flopping on abortion and other issues), can't carry his home state (Massachusetts is blue and staying blue, Michigan probably the same), and doesn't seem to get along with McCain all that well. He's a possible pick for Treasury Secretary, but I can't see him getting the VP nod.

Condi Rice - Again, as with Jindal, I absolutely love Condi Rice. There's simply no way that one of the most inner members of George W. Bush's inner circle is getting on the ticket, though. All the Dems would have to do is repeat the story about Condi shoe-shopping in New York during Hurricane Katrina over and over again, which would completely undo any advantage Rice brings. Plus, her primary area of expertise (national security) is one that McCain needs no help in. Rice is intriguing, but unlikely.

Michael Bloomberg - New York Magazine published an article this week pitching Bloomberg as a possible veep nominee for both McCain and Obama. I simply can't see this happening. It's too much of a stretch.

I'm not even going to bother covering why I rejected Huckabee, Graham, and the others, but most of those candidates have the same flaws as the four I wrote about. Each fails to meet at least one piece of the criteria I've listed above.

The Pick: Pawlenty. I love Mark Sanford, and I think he's the best possible choice for McCain. Most of the buzz seems to be going to Pawlenty, though, and I think the appeal of bringing Minnesota back into the Republican column when the South will likely stay Republican anyway will be overpowering.

There It Is, Tommy, the Cleverest Thing You'll Ever Say and No One Is Around to Hear It

A shot of sideline reporter Craig Sager during this evening's Spurs-Hornets game (Game 7 in the Western Conference Semifinals) led to this exchange:

Me: What the hell is Craig Sager wearing?
JD: (giggling at Sager's garish pinstripe suit and paisley tie)
Me: He looks like... like a guy from the 70s... who's trying to look like a guy from the 30s.
JD: Combining the best aspects of the disco and gangster eras?

I realize that making fun of Sager's outfits is like using a bazooka to blast a fish in a rain puddle, but seriously, you had to see this suit.

(And yes, the headline for this post gets the "Simpsons Reference of the Day" tag. Reference: "Two Bad Neighbors", Season 7, Episode 13)

Simpsons Reference of the Day

(after explaining the concept of BABIP [batting average on balls hit in play] to M)
M: What was it about my face that suggested to you guys that I wanted you to explain that to me?
Me: I like stories.

(Note: Exchange has been edited to reflect what my response should have been; actual response was something along the lines of "I like hearing myself talk.")

Reference: "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie", Season 4, Episode 6.

Edmonds Update

Despite my best efforts, the Cubs signed Jim Edmonds late last night. Cot's Baseball Contracts says it's for a pro-rated amount of major-league minimum, or about $290K.

I still predict this ends badly.

Where Am I?

I spent most of today filling out benefit forms for the job I will start in the fall. In between the midst of 401Ks, health plans, life insurance plans, vision plans, dental plans, health savings accounts, employee information forms, and equipment election forms, I had a bit of an epiphany.

I am twenty-five years old.

My parents married in the late 1970s when they were both 22 years old. By this point in their lives, my parents had been married for two and a half years and Dad was in the middle of his first year of medical school. I was still two years away, but I know they were already trying to start a family. My grandparents' generation was even more so: Dad's parents married right after Grandpa graduated from college (and they punched out my Dad nine months later) - by this point, my Dad is 2 years old and my grandparents are pondering my uncle. Mom's parents are roughly the same way, except that my Mom is 2 and my oldest aunt is either on the way or already here.

Meanwhile, I have graduated from one of the best public universities in the United States and I am about to graduate from a top ten law school. I have spoken freely with senators, worked on legal problems at the highest level, been elected to the highest office a student can hold at my college, and had a beer with the former CEO of the Sara Lee Corporation. Yet I also note that I spend much of my free time playing video games and I, at times, still feel like the frat guy who was all excited about Station's dollar bottle special on Thursday nights.

Am I near where my parents and grandparents were at this point in their lives? Maybe. I've accomplished more educationally at this point than anybody except my Dad (and possibly more than him), and accomplished more professionally (even at this early date) except for my Dad and maybe my Grandpa on my Dad's side (my grandparents on Dad's side are small business owners; my Mom's dad is a retired factory worker; Mom's mom worked a variety of jobs over the years culminating in a stint as... well, I'm not clear what she did, but she worked for a small business for many years in their hometown. I am going to a prestigious Chicago law firm in the fall where I will no doubt do my best to assist large corporations with their legal problems). Have I accomplished as much personally? Debatable. I've had the opportunities to get married (twice, in fact) and am currently single by choice. I certainly do not have children, and it is uncertain whether I ever well. Perhaps I am far too picky for my own good.

Despite the fact that I am about to embark on a career where a simple mistake may cost a company millions of dollars, I cannot shake the feeling that I am still far too immature for my own good. Witness, for example, my differing reactions when asked about a legal problem versus a sports problem. If you ask me about a potential baseball trade, or the results of the Chicago Bulls' latest season, then I am likely to have an opinion and will make several points supporting my analysis (the same holds for any kind of political question). Ask me an important legal question, though, or try to engage me in Socratic method in class, and I enter what humorist P.J. O'Rourke termed the "MEGO" phase: "My Eyes Glaze Over". And yet, what career have I chosen?

I have to keep reminding myself of two things: First, I am not living in the same time period that my father and grandfather entered the "real world" in. Being single/unmarried/without kids but being highly educated at my age is much more common/acceptable today than it was in 1980 and 1955.* Second, although I've never had this discussion with any of them, it is all too likely that my Dad and both of my Grandpas had these exact same thoughts. All of them likely had the same doubts, fears, ambitions and dreams that I have right now. And all of them got past it - or, at least, got past it enough to serve as inspirations, guides, and guardians for the future... for me.

Yet I cannot shake the feeling that I am nowhere near where my parents and my grandparents were at this point in their lives. Intellectually, I know that I have achieved more than they ever could have hoped for, and that they are proud of me for doing so. Emotionally... I remain unconvinced.

*"This is the wrong 1955!" (You get a Tommy Point if you tell me what movie that quote is from.)